Toilet paper futures to launch on US exchanges within “the next few weeks”.

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Following an increase in demand and lack of supply for toilet paper, the boards of various exchanges across North America have agreed to issue a combined on-exchange listed futures contract for toilet paper.

Ade Mayall, who represents the multi-exchange project to introduce the new contract said:

It’s our mission to respond to investor and commercial demand for new contracts and instruments. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.

It’s been widely reported that toilet role shortages have been so dire in the UK that people are returning to work in defiance of the Government’s lockdown for their morning relief.

The issuance of futures follows the latest digital currency “Toilet Paper Token” which currently has a market cap of $85,583,000,000 according to which was recently acquired by Binance $400 million according to Forbes.

Tradable toilet paper futures through a futures broker haven’t gone down well with everyone though, some British traders are wholeheartedly against the idea.

Christopher O’Donnell, a professional trader who as traded as a local on LIFFE for five years said:

It’s typical of the American’s to insist that it’s called toilet paper. Everybody knows it’s called loo roll. But, I suppose, at least they haven’t called it Bathroom sheets.

April Fools 2020

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